Learn How Childhood Depression May Affect You As An Adult
Think about if you’ve ever encountered someone who said or did something that “triggered” you… switching on that negative wiring in your head... .
Maybe someone said some nasty words, and you still can’t forget it. Or perhaps you put a lot of trust in your relationship with someone and things didn’t work out.
All the emotions this called up in you probably came on in a flash—as did your response to them. And then you most likely thought something along the lines of…
“This just doesn’t feel right.”
Now think about someone you wanted to have a romantic relationship with but for whatever reason you knew it wouldn’t work.
You knew it wasn’t going to happen… you knew all the valid reasons why… but that didn’t stop you from daydreaming about falling in love. Here’s why:
When we’re children, we learn what love is from our parents or caregivers, and this stays with us for the rest of our lives.
That’s how we start out: a baby who soaks up all the emotional and behavioral characteristics of its mother. And then we feel instinctively pulled to those qualities—however they show up—later in our adult lives.
(Psychology calls this “mother-infant observational research.” You can find tons of information about it.)
When you were a baby, your Mom was the first person you ever met. This means that the way she treated you got into you very early, at the deepest, most foundational level… and it became the blueprint for what you think love is.
It’s how you learned what you deserve. What to do to please. What to do to be loved.
Therefore, many psychologists say your bond with this mother “figure” is also responsible for your oldest emotions… including any hurt or problems that still linger, or any needs you try to get met through your decisions and relationships today. Childhood depression is at the heart of many adult behaviors and pain.
You depended on Mom for your survival, so you took in what you needed to do to keep her love, approval, and attention. The same went for Dad, or any major caregiver.
Unfortunately, this can lead to childhood trauma that causes depression later as an adult.
Maybe Mom was violent, so now you feel like no one could love you. Perhaps Dad criticized you, so now you have problems trusting or asserting yourself. Or it could be both your parents were so full of anxiety that you absorbed the message: “If you aren’t extremely careful and perfect in everything you do, it’ll get even worse.”
But if you accept any childhood experience like this as a reality, then you can move forward with a powerful new understanding about yourself, life, and relationships.
Maybe you’ll see more clearly how your childhood experiences influence your relationships… your choices and actions… and how you keep finding yourself in the same situations from the past in an unconscious attempt to resolve them.
Whichever way your childhood depression shows up in your adult life, I’ll tell you one thing: it’s unfortunate for a person to see this stuff damaging everyday life, including relationships, thoughts and actions.
But, once you do, here’s the great news about it…
You Can Use This Knowledge To Change Your Life
I can’t emphasize one particular thing enough because it’s definitely one of the most profound insights I’ve come across when it comes to depression treatment…
As you cope with depression, it’s essential to heal any wound from your family past so you can stop it from replaying in your mind and stop it from damaging your life. That’s why, to get you help with the process, I recommend pursuing depression counseling.
NOTE: I’m not suggesting that you blame others as a way to avoid making your own positive changes.
But with that said, I think a big part of depression treatment for someone who had depression as a child is remembering that painful memories and triggers are the results of trying to cope with a terrible childhood situation.
If you learn to see how your challenges might come from ways you learned to cope that made sense in a dysfunctional childhood… but which may need to be reworked in adulthood… you might accept yourself more and find new ways to cope that make sense in your life today.
When we haven’t been protected by our caregivers, we might not be able to see how to protect ourselves. Or love ourselves. Or find what makes us happy. We might have to teach ourselves how to do these things.
It’s common to treat ourselves as we’ve been taught, so it’s understandable if the real meaning of love may elude us.
Here’s a quick exercise: maybe you can take a few minutes and reflect about your interactions with your family… write down the painful memories on paper… and burn them. It could bring release and healing.
It’s Time To Take Care Of You!
Even if you had a rough childhood, you still have a chance to move forward. It can be the way you start to heal, but you have a choice to make. You can keep struggling with childhood wounds… or you can break the cycle of depression.
If you’d like to get even deeper into the change process… including simple, step-by-step methods for breaking free of the past to manage your depression in the present… please contact me for a free 15-minute consultation.
I know it will help you take your first step forward… and, best of all, help you overcome the past and move on.
Find out more about Depression Treatment.
About The Author
John Younes, JD, MA, LPCC, NCC is a trained counselor who owns a private practice in Denver, CO. In general, he specializes in depression treatment using existential and cognitive therapy practices.
And if you’re thinking about suicide and are in immediate danger, please call your local emergency number… so for Denver, Colorado, call 1-844-493-8255 or text TALK to 38255. You can also call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-8255.